In the Supreme Court of Kebab Justice
COURT OF KEBAB JUSTICE ★ TABLE FERDOWSI DIVISION ★

The People of Table Ferdowsi versus The Bill

Case No. · Hani Persian Restaurant
Table 1 “Ferdowsi” · 14 November · 6:45 PM
All rise. (Tap the gavel if anyone is still talking.)

Statement of the Case

On the evening in question, four families — close friends, and therefore the most dangerous kind of co-defendants — did knowingly, willingly and with great enthusiasm consume a dinner. A bill of was subsequently produced.

Nobody disputes the kebab. The kebab was magnificent. The only question before this Court is who owes what, and the Court intends to answer it to the cent.

The short version

    Total owed to the card

    For those who trust the Court: stop here. For those who do not: the Court respects that, and has prepared the math.

    Evidence
    Exhibit A

    The Receipt

    Entered into evidence without objection, and with a small grease stain.

    Applicable law

    The Law of the Table

    STATUTE BOOK: کباب / STATUS: BINDING

    The split follows four articles, applied without fear, favour or second helpings.

    Article I · The Kebab Doctrine
    You ordered it, you own it. A dish does not become communal property merely because it looked good from across the table.
    Article II · The Doogh Accord
    The jugs of doogh were for the table, so they are split four ways: per family. Doogh recognises no individual ownership.
    Article III · The Tea Share Act
    The tea was poured in shares and is charged by the share, at each. The Court did not expect to do fractions after dinner, and yet.
    Article IV · Court Fees
    The service charge follows the food: eat more, contribute more to the upkeep of justice.
    Note: these are the rules as agreed at the table. The Court merely added the Latin-sounding names.
    The verdicts

    Findings Against Each Family

    Every count itemised. All defendants found guilty of having a lovely time.

    Exhibits B & C

    The Split, Illustrated

    For members of the jury who prefer pictures.

    Exhibit B · Share of the bill

    Who is responsible for how much of the total.

    THE BILL

      Exhibit C · Anatomy of each bill

      What each family’s total is made of. Tap a segment for details.

        Show the math

        The Arithmetic, Under Oath

        No number on this page was estimated, rounded for convenience, or “called even”.

        How it was split. You pay for what you ordered. The doogh was for the table, so it is split four ways. The tea was poured in five shares and is charged by the share.

        Sentencing

        Final Judgment

        It is hereby ordered that the defendants shall pay:

          Which adds up to exactly
          1. Settle up with whoever’s card took the hit. Sentences are to be served by bank transfer, promptly, with an emoji of your choosing.
          2. Tea shares stand as poured. No retroactive trading of tea shares will be entertained.
          3. The heaviest sentence fell on the longest order. The Court considers this the system working exactly as intended.
          4. No appeals. Objections may be raised in person, over the next dinner, which the Court orders to take place soon.
          نوش جان noosh-e jaan — may it nourish your soul. Court is adjourned.

          This Court has no legal authority whatsoever. Its arithmetic, however, is binding.